Tag Archives: friends

Success: You Are The Yardstick

I was going to do a post on the Equalism series I posted previously but I’m not quite done typing it ye so I decided to get this out to you instead while you waited for it (if you are of course ūüėÄ ).

Lately I’ve been thinking, ‘What is ¬†Success?’. What should it be to each and everyone of us and what’s our yardstick. People? Society? Peers? Friends? Parents?…You? What exactly do we use to define our success in life? It’s relative. It MUST be different for everyone right. I mean, someone has to clean the streets. The question is, was that as a product of failure or success? Either way, someone has to clean the streets.

The way I see it it’s never so simple (well most things aren’t.). I’ll use me for example. I’ve tried for a nice long while to be the best that I can be. Fallen off that wagon so many times I’m ashamed to keep counting but perseverance and anxiety keep me jumping right back on it. ¬†I used to measure success by the achievements I got (or did not) until I found out it wasn’t for me. Yes, achieving a high grade in education is amazing and praise worthy. Yes, getting a high paying job that will sort out all your financial needs is amazing. However, it wasn’t MY measure of success. It was what society, people, friends etc. used as yardsticks.

I personally think everyone will be a bit happier, sorry much happier if they didn’t use people’s opinions as a measure of success. Look into yourselves and set the goals that push YOU and make YOU happy. I won’t say people be damned and to hell with their opinions but the ones that should matter are people who know you. They know more than others what could make you happy.

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.

Booker T. Washington
Yeah, what he said…and a bit more. Oh and watch the video, really worth it!
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Haters Gotta Hate….Right?

Countless times and a bit more, I’ve heard people say ‘I’ve got too many haters. I must be doing something right’ or ‘My haters just don’t want to see me progress.’ Now, a hater according to urban dictionary is ”an overly used word to ¬†describe someone who¬†cannot be happy for another person’s success or just so happens to dislike another person.” I understand that there are people out there who think this way, with good reason, they’re insecure. However, you have to be successful at something first. You can’t be failing and because someone calls you on it they automatically become haters. Personally, I’m sick of it. I really am.

 

Case 1

Jane: I’m not sure what you’re saying here…?

Friend: Errmmm Jane, try not to take this the wrong way, you’re really out of shape, you’re fat.

Jane: I can’t believe you’d say that! I thought we were friends! You’re such a hater.

Friend: But the dress doesn’t fit you. You’re obviously too big and tight clothes make that fact painfully obvious!

Jane: beep you! You beep-ing bastard! Ugh! Haters like you just don’t appreciate curves when you see them!

Friend: Yeah? Which one? All NINE of them?! <—- too far!

The Truth:¬†Now, Friend-turned-hater was only trying to be helpful and just wanted to be honest to Jane. Friend-turned-hater¬†doesn’t mean to hurt her although that last comment was hurtful. Jane assumes that Friend-turned-hater¬†is a hater because a compliment wasn’t given. This is wrong.Just because the truth hurts doesn’t mean that it isn’t right, heck Jane probably KNOWS she’s fat big boned¬†and does not want to hear of it but would rather live in a world where everyone constantly reassures her she’s ‘OK’ while they’re in a much healthier figure/shape than she is. Who’s the hater really? The well-meaning truth sayer or the enabler(s)?

 

Case 2

Couple: We’re in lovedy-love! We love each other!

Friend: No you’re not. You don’t trust each other. He cheats on you. She cheats on you. You’re in such a parasitic relationship it’s symbiotic and you’ve been repeating this destructive cycle for far too long.

Couple: How can you say that?! Dude(ette) I thought we were friends! You’re supposed to support us in our lovedy-love and endless cycle of hurting ourselves.

Friend: No I’m not. I am meant to support you in making the right decisions and save you from your stupidity where and when I can.

The Truth:¬†Friend has now become the ‘enemy’ and sadly the lovedy-love couple have made him into a hater. All Friend-turned-hater¬†wanted to do was help. Because they thought they HAD to have haters to validate their destructive relationship, they made Friend into a hater. So sad. *sniff* *sniff*

 

The Real Haters:

These guys can’t actually be happy for you when you have achieved any form of success, they’re critical and will always put you down. ALWAYS. In the same breath they will praise your achievement and let you know that it still isn’t up to scratch. However do not confuse these people with pessimists or ¬†constructively critical individuals, the former can’t help themselves as that’s how they view life and the latter are definitely worth listening to!

 

Case in point

El Taco: YES!! I WOOON!

Friend: Congrats dude! Great effort, damn…but you still didn’t do better than Bur King!

El Taco: How’s that important at the moment? Be happy for me right now I won! Wooh!

Friend: Just saying, you may be champ here but you suck compared to the others like Bur King.

The Truth: Fact is, this douche bag, friend-hidden-in-the-hater-shadow is by all means a hater. I mean, El Taco must’ve trained for this right but notice,¬†friend-hidden-in-the-hater-shadow just can’t be happy for him. That’s a hater, a pessimist wouldn’t care the constructive critic would be happy for you but remind you (and often help too) that there are stronger opponents out there to surpass.

 

A bit over the top in my descriptions, I know but it makes the point. People always seem to have haters. Most of the time, it’s because someone disagrees with their ideas or opinions because the other individual has their own opinion. However due to the endless number of barely savant individuals, hipsters and crazy iPhone lovers ( I HAD TO!) people suddenly NEED to have enemies. They somehow believe that if they do they are doing something right. To quote” If you don’t have a few enemies, you’re doing something wrong.” RUBBISH! I mean who came up with that piece of crap?? You can have people who don’t agree with you but that…does not..make them…your enemies! Stop looking for them!

Whatever I guess, haters gonna hate right?

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